An absence in the year 2025
Looking back
2025 was relatively good. Career wise improved and learned a lot. Contributed to some cool stuff, built some cool things and all that. But there was a notable absence in 2025. A gaping hole that made me realize, looking back, like that actually happened (or rather didn't happen). It was a year without music.
An unintentional sabbatical
Look, I'll spare you the "Music is my life" and the "I listen to everything but country" bullshit. Music is important to me. That is a fact. It almost has governed all my life choices (this is only a slight hyperbole). I've been playing music since forever. And last year (2025) was the first year I didn't. (not really but in my head it was the first year I counted). Let me explain.
Lore dump
Also going to keep this brief but let me provide some context. I was very lucky to grow up playing an instrument. My grandma asked me what instrument I wanted to learn when I was 7. I had no idea. I chose or was guided to piano because my mom was classically trained. So I landed on piano. (In middle school and high school you bet I wish I picked a different instrument. Piano doesn't have the same appeal as a guitar or drums.)
I am completely aware of the privilege of taking piano lessons from 7 to 17. I was classically trained, or rather I am classically trained. I can read music, know music theory, know music history, ear trained, and the list goes on. Looking back now, I am super grateful for piano. All of my musician friends are gravitating towards it (coming from different backgrounds like guitar, bass, etc.) because it's so foundational.
For middle school and high school I played violin. Looking back I picked the two most fucking stereotypical instruments for someone of an Asian background.
Trying to be cool
I have been in a decent amount of musical groups aka bands. Relatively good bands, a lot of shitty bands, some bands I'm really proud of, some I try to scrub from history and my mind. Since I was 16, I've been playing in these bands, and early on it was piano / keyboard. Only because every motherfucker knows how to play a guitar for some reason, and there is always one drummer available. Bassists are just failed guitarists (just kidding kind of).
It was fun though playing in these shitty high school bands for your friends at house party and then eventually playing in front of crowd. It was great, and I felt pretty lucky to be involved in "the scene".
Roaring 20s
Fast forward to university and post university and I abandon keyboard. Partially cause of some extenuating circumstances, partially cause we (my friend group and I) were all into DIY music. They needed a drummer and I pivoted and taught myself drums.
I played drums and pretty much was a drummer for a lot of different acts. We were just throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks. It really was a whirlwind of a time and we were making tons of music.
Breakaway
Eventually through all the shit I was pumping out and some acts cleared the others. The chemistry between the members (aka my really good friends) was there, we all were bought into the "vision" aka playing gigs, making tapes, getting on a label, going on tour, all of that stuff.
But most importantly, I was playing with a group(s). It was a great time that I definitely took for granted. (I was jaded, burnt out, throwing shows, "scene politics". A topic for another time.)
Practicing, playing, local gig, record, tour, repeat.
The real retrospective
Damn, this was a lot of context and was kind of getting away from me. Let me get back on track
Long story short, last year (2025) was the first year I didn't play with a group/band. (Jamming does not count).
It's surreal. Such a core fundamental piece of my whole person, my identity was not present for a whole year. It's kind of shattering. Was I just busy? Yeah of course, that's life. Is this getting older? I sure as hell hope not.
The thing that gets me is I didn't even notice until it was over. There was no single moment where I said "I'm not going to play this year." It just... didn't happen. No band practice, no recording sessions, no gigs. Nothing. That's the part that really messes with me. How do you let something that important slip through the cracks? I don't have a good answer for that.
And it's not like I was miserable in 2025. Life was fine. But looking back now there is clearly something missing from the picture. A version of me that felt more whole.
2026
I can't let it happen again. That's the only thing I know for sure.